Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
