Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
