I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Mom said you looked used
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
