Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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