Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
