She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
