We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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