please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
