you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
