My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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