I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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