looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
