if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
