haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
