Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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