I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
