I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just high enough for therapy.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
