Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
