Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Randomize
