i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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