Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
the liver wants what the liver wants
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
