Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
