Just mADE A PArabola og urine
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
