the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
