Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
