So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I don't deserve a penis
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
