I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
