Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
