I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My ass is underappreciated
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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