Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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