Quick, to the slutcave!
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
