I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize