I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
