Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
