Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
