Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize