we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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