She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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