There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
