wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
