you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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