Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
