so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
