"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
