Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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