a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
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