feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
