Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
