Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize