What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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