ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
