Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
that is very illegal...i love you.
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