so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
