You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
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