well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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