you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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