When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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