i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
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