Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
My breath smells like gin and sadness
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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