I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
