i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
