Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize