pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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