I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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