is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
