Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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