I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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