She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
