If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
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