I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
