My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
