Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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