Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Panties = found
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
