I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
