white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize