She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
