theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
