I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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