mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
