if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
