i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
