When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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