can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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