in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
