I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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