i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
