He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
