What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
