I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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