Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
